My first patient passed away

CW: death and cancer

Two personal posts in a day. Wow. Y’all are really putting up with me and my non-bookish thoughts, aren’t you?? (I kid, I kid.)

But, I haven’t talked much about my practicum and the things that I’m exposed to. I’m seeing patients on my own, or mostly on my own, these days. I had five in mind, but one of them began actively dying last Wednesday. For those who don’t know, there is a difference between dying and actively dying. As he was on hospice, he is in the dying process, but actively dying means that a person is going to die, perhaps, in a few hours or a week. There are certain signs that crop up so you know it’s happening.

Late last night, he passed away after being actively dying since last Wednesday. He lived through his daughter’s birthday and his own. And died on his birthday.

I have to say, I’m sad about it. I had a bit of a cry because he was a nice man and his family are good people. Yes, he’s in a better place where his cancer is no longer bothering him and he’s able to do the things that he hasn’t been able to.

But, I’m still sad.

It’s hard because I had a relationship with him. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to go to his memorial service or funeral to have a bit more closure, but I’m just processing at the moment.

I’m all good, just so y’all know. It’s just one of those things that happens.

24 thoughts on “My first patient passed away

  1. Hey, friend. I love you so much. Sending you all the light and love in the world. What you are doing is so important, and I’m so proud of you. I know how hard it is and…. I’m always here. Always. 💖xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Melanie ❤ I expected it — especially since I saw him and how he was on Monday; huge change from the last time I saw him on the 30th — but it still came as a shock. Especially when they let me know that he was active.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Oh it was just sudden, too. He was having some declines, for sure, but we weren’t expecting it to come. Now we’re wondering who will come next since, no joke, they come in threes. Last time, we had three people go — earlier this semester — so now it’s like who else will it be.

      But, thank you ❤ I appreciate that. I'm processing it, but doing okay.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Not going to lie, it is difficult. But I’m good at not focusing on the diagnosis of the patients I see. But it’s still hard when they go, even though it’s completely anticipated.


      • I can imagine… I suppose it’s “part of the job”, and its good you do care. About the best you can say about a hard situation! And it sounds like you’ve found the right things to focus on, so you can do your job. I’ve often thought that hospice workers and medical staff dealing with end of life care have a harrowing job, but it’s so valuable.

        Liked by 1 person

      • The patients I work with are some of the sweetest and nicest people with such senses of humor or interesting stories. I have such respect for my colleagues there for the amazing care they provide.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so sorry… You are in the most noble of all careers. Oh honey.. It is going to be tough… It will take some time… I still remember my first patient who did.. I still cry, a young boy of 18 who died of post operative complications… I am sharing here because those gone should be remembered… They should not be forgotten.
    I hope you become okay soon. I hope you can remember the good times with your patient…
    Rest is all destiny…
    Please take rest… Sleep helps both body and mind to become okay.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, they certainly should be remembered, good and bad. I’m doing well. He was on hospice, so it was expected. It was just a shock that he started actively dying and then that he lasted for so long. I’m definitely taking a homework break tonight so I can relax.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so sorry to hear about your patient and I can’t even imagine the amount of strength it must take to confront things like this on a daily basis. You’re out there doing amazing things and I admire you so much for it. I don’t think I can say anything that hasn’t already said but I hope you’re holding up alright ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • To be honest, I seriously don’t think about it very often. When people have obvious declines, I do but I try to keep a hold of their strengths. I swear, they’re some of the funniest people ever.


  4. i’m so sorry to hear this happened 😦 i hope you take some time for yourself and are holding up all right. so admire that you’re pursuing this worthy path ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • I mean, I’m at a hospice. All the people I’m with could die at any moment. But, the first is the hardest. I can think of a couple other people I’ll be sad about.


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