I’m trying something new. Aka, a personal post. I mean, I’ve done these in the past, but I am SUPER bad at them.
However, it’s something I feel like sharing.
I’ve dated/attempted to date before. I had two boyfriends in middle school and a long-distance girlfriend in high school.
All were disasters.
I dumped all of them because I got anxiety as things progressed. Chalking it up to me not being ready, I moved on with my life, figuring that, one day, I would be. One day, I’d date, find someone I really liked, and do all the things that couples do. (Minus sex, because I’m hella ace.)
Since early this year, I’ve been using that I might be aromantic. Aka, I just don’t feel romantic attraction.
But, me being me, I wanted to challenge it.
So, I got Tinder. Yep. I got me a Tinder account. And, heavily screened each person before swiping and I wound up with a few people.
One guy kept calling me “hun” and hitting on me. I unmatched with him ASAP.
One guy was nice but eh. Kind of stopped talking to him.
Then this third guy seemed nice, loved fandoms, cosplayed, and seemed super cool. I kept talking to him and we traded some extra contact info. And, I asked him on a date.
That was when my anxiety levels went through the fucking roof. Like, I mean, near panic attack levels all the time, whenever I was talking to him. Because, I mean, he was a nice guy and seemed genuine, but I was starting to realize that I can’t do it.
So, Friday night — yes, yesterday — I messaged him and told him that I can’t do it. Whatsoever. And, well, he took it pretty well. He seemed really into me. (Which I don’t get because we barely had any meaningful conversation because if he messaged “lol” or “XD” I’d fucking stop messaging him because that shit gets on my nerves.)
So, what lesson did I learn: I am 100% aromantic.
Within me, there is no interest in dating someone romantically. I love having “dates” with my friends. Like, damn do I love going to eat food with my friends, seeing movies, going to bookstores, etc. One of my favorite things to do in life is to watch movies or TV with Chantel.
But the second there’s any hint of romance, I’m out.
So, I failed at dating. You can give me a big old F on my dating report card. But, I get an A++ in anxiety and being aroace!
And yes. I did just use a huge ass story to come out to all my followers and the internet as being aroace.
Go big or go home.